Truer words have never been spoken

I hate to say it, but even the Bible…which is the written truth, has backed this statement up.

“I have put myself here, I’m the culprit, I am the Culprit!.”

That seems to be the entire being for my exsitance is that simple little phrase. I have litteraly defined my life off of that small phrase. And the worst part of it is it rings truer now more than ever.

You see, i will not apologize to someone, mostly because they need to get over it. Grow up is all i have to say. But i have no right, cause im being childish myself, and im losing a friend because of this situation. Am I bummed, not really, maybe it hasn’t hit me yet, maybe i didn’t care at all for this dude, maybe maybe maybe.

“I guess its safe to say Your never coming back” ~ Relient K

More than that i feel like this song right now

Someone has sown me shut
And tied me to a bed
They locked me up, locked me up
Oh, God!
Have you ever felt like you cannot talk to anyone,
like you have been sown shut, and strapped down, locked up and
you can only scream in your mind, OH God!

This is where they all
Throw me to the wolves
Dragged behind and trampled on
and your sure that if you did open up, everyone you know would push you aside, and or judge you, you would be left alone with nothing but the wolves around you to gnaw at your flesh, that you would be beaten behind the shed of some imaginary place.

I can’t keep clawing at the jaws of hell
The silence is killing me
but the worst part is is that if you never speak the words you are going to die regardless. and all the while you are trying to fight your way out on your own.

Nothing to calm the nerve
Nothing to calm the nerve
Write down my thoughts
And read me my rights
so you write your thoughts, maybe on a blog, hoping to god someone will sympathize, not tell you the “right” answer but let you know that you are not alone, no “right” action will cure your pain, just someone to know how you feel.

Repeat, repeat, repent and repeat
The cycle never really ends
‘Till they admit that it’s real
The cycle never really ends
‘Till they admit, they admit that it’s real
and you find yourself reverting to the old habits and hurts that you onve thought you gave up, but instead you burried away and return to any time everything falls, which for you seem a daily event, and you repeat and repeat, and eventually you feel so much guilt that you repent in your mind, not your heart, and you repeat again and again…and you will never be out of this cycle until you can face the fact that there is a reality to face…

Everything, everything is leaving me wondering
I’m I hate that I’m questioning Your everything, everything
and everything you do makes you question who you knew yourself to be at one time. and you hate that fact, that you question who and what you serve, who and what your god is to you, and how you can manage to screw up this bad.

This is how it seems to me
I’ve drowned myself in self-regret
This is how I wanna be
This can’t be how I wanna be
even worse is that you dont pick yourself up when you fall, but rather you leave yourself on the ground and the water’s raise and you are once again drowning in the hope humanity calls regret… and in the midst of all that you say “this is how i want to be”, but in your heart and mind you know this cant be how you want to be.

This is spinning perfect little circles
And that’s all that they know
They just spin in perfect little circles
And that’s all that they know, all that they know
and to top it off. you find yourself in that same cycle that we talked about earlier. and you find out that the only reason your here is cause its safe, its all that you know. you know nothing of risk, or chance, just the same cycle and same endless regret.

Nothing’s right, just left alone
Sinking in will be just fine
None of them will ever know
None of them will ever know
Nothing’s right, just left alone
Sinking in will be just fine
None of them will ever know
None of them will ever know
Nothing’s right, just left alone
Sinking in will be just fine
None of them will ever know
None of them will ever know
Nothing is right, and you know it, you will be left alone, cause no one will ever take the chance to say hello to you, you will always be alone, because no one likes a sour puss, no one will put up with one, and you are content to the point of sinking into what you know will be your DOOM. if only someone, a physical manifestation of the Jesus you know would step into your life and call the best out of you, but that will never happen, because people are just like you, weak and selfish and just as cought up in there own mess, to see the hurt you are going through.

~ by oohryuhh on September 19, 2008.