im forgetting something…
this past few weeks have literally been HELL…
too many things have gone wrong, and in the midst of my wrong, everyone else seems so right!
thats the worst..
~It starts with a meeting with Trav and P. A. i dont want to go into the somewhat “gory” details.
~it continues when i get the new Underoath album and they express in 11 songs exactly what i have going on right now!!
~not ending there any time i see someone i dont want to talk to they ask me if im ready for internship, dont ask me that…i will never know!!! FRICKIN!
~Smitty tells me i need to deal with the stress level at work better…
~Aaron brings the hammer down on Wednesday.
~Now i feel like a terrible christian and a terrible man and intern and any other form of person i play.
~Trav tells me to write donw my thoughts in a journal, and then bring it to God.
*does anyone else ever feel like they cant talk to God?
*i cant seem to open my mouth and talk to him…maybe cause i feel he will never talk to me again, or judge me for being so evil, or i dont even know, i cant seem to open my mouth and speak words…
*the worst part is in the midst of all of this i feel more dependent on underoath than i do on him…
*so now im even worse off than before, because my “relationship” with Christ is not based on me and him, but me and Underoath and Him, more of the first 2 than of the latter…
CONDEMNATION seems to be my middle name…
i find all of this so condemning only because i try to be a good leader…a good friend, a good christian (as i read theworldisbrightandbeautiful blog saying how i gave some kind of insight that i didnt even take the advice of…)
Regardless…i feel like UnderOath more than ever now…
(all there songs seem to have a negative aspect for the entire thing until the last line…)
and in the words of UnderOath
I am forgetting my Forgiveness!
My advice…just pray in the Spirit. as much as you can. You don’t have to form actual words…just pray, pray pray in the spirit.
I’ve so been where you are. The weight of your own sin will crush you if you try to bear it yourself.
read some old testament. Those dudes killed people, slept with other peoples wives and God somehow called them his own and constantly proclaimed his unfailing love for them.