The Great Train Robbery

One of the first westerns, this film was an interesting movie to realize, by realize I mean for the creator not for me. It is a cornerstone of what we can consider a modern narrative (story) in film today. Made by Edwin Porter in 1903 The Great Train Robbery was a ground breaking film that maybe didnt introduce but definately did enhance some advanced techniques. Including the “double exposure” which can be seen in the first scene as the train pulls into the station in the background.

Double Exposure is the idea that the film can be exposed any number of times before developing as long as there is an image to be seen on the film, so in this case they probably filmed the train going by first, and then re-exposed the film a second time to get the “stick up” happening in “front” of the previously exposed shot, dont ask me how they got it confined to just that 1 window, cause I dont know.

Another, not necissarely ground breaking for our day and age other than the idea that they could incorperate color, is the fact that they had some color in the film, the gunshots would mostly fire an orange tone or a red tone. they had Women in “pretty” dresses that were yellow or purple.

I found it interesting that we would find ourselves forced to watch all or most of this train robbery from 1 stationary shot. Granted there were a plethera of shots and it wasnt one big long shot, but instead whenever we had a new scene it would simply take place in one big take. This could easily distract the common american audiance who is used to seeing 200 cuts in the first  20 minutes of a movie. But in a different and more subjective format it makes us step back and see just what early film makers had to do. Now-a-days at least in my own film making I find it difficult to make mistakes, I want to be George Lucas so bad that maybe I forget that he and many others before him including Edwin Porter failed before they succeeded.

Aside from that little trip down filmstudent lane, the film itself had one more visally appealing aspect. The final scene of the film is one of the bandits in close up and he shoots his gun right at you. One of my peers suggested that this might even be the first 3D film. In the case that this guy is in your face and he shoots you, and no matter where your perspective is in the room/theater it looks like he is looking at you and is trying to kill you. And you know he will, he just killed a wuss who tried to run away from the robbery as it occured.

I would suggest that as little as he had for the era he was in it was a very skillful movie.

Thumbs up Edwin!

I helped make a 2 min movie in 20 min.

An in class essay

If I may be so bold I would like to ask my female readers to please imagine the perfect man, now aside from the idea that he may be well “hung” how does he treat you? Does he always excuse himself whenever you are annoyed with him or when he is being foul? Does he tell you everything that you are to him whenever you need it most? And how about the males, how do we imagine our perfect lady? I can tell you about mine, she’s tall, no taller than me though, and long porcelain legs; soccer player’s thighs, that pleasing to the eye pair shape, a big bright white smile, piercing blue eyes and long dark hair. A woman that very well may exist, but she also in my mind only speaks highly of me all the time, she is willing to have as many kids as it takes to have a male child, and is consumed with the very thought of me. Now if I could talk to the ladies again, how many of you would be that for the man you love? Say he wanted a male child at whatever the cost? You tried and tried but all you guys got were females; 12 girls later are you still willing to go until he is happy? What I’m getting at here is that pornography is a perversion of a real human, to men she is beautiful, and will do anything and everything for him. I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth, but I can imagine the female perspective is equally unattainable. Men will not always be the “Prince Charming’s” we see in Hollywood movies, although we may have our moments few and far between, we will never reach that status. And I would like to submit that “porn” has gotten us to that point. Our consumer culture has conditioned us to think that we deserve to have all our desires met and that we are entitled to have the perfect product when we want it. When we approach our intimate relationships with this attitude, we turn relationships into a commodity and stunt our emotional growth.
According to Dr. Judith Reisman, pornography affects the physical structure of your brain turning you into a porno-zombie. The affect it has may feel positive at the time because you are getting what you want, and in the American society we are always used to getting what we want and when we want it. But did it ever occur to us that maybe instead of indulging in our wants; we abstain from whatever sycophantic desires we have about sex and pleasure and deal with the source of the issue. Which for every one may be different, mine personally is that I cannot deal with the idea of being alone, and maybe at the root of the problem of most people that is their fear. Everyone may be afraid to be alone the rest of their life because they know just how sick they are and would either feel burdensome to their life mate or undeserving of their “true love”.
This country is now at a fifty percent divorce rate; that means half of marriages today are ending in divorce. What bring us to this point? Infidelity? Marring young? hatred of the In-laws? Infidelity is not a proven factor in any divorce rate statistic only that marriages that do experience “cheating” for the most part end in divorce. But the surveys that have take place have shown that it is a leading factor in why divorce rate have gone up. I would submit that in our society where we are so prone to getting what we want that it has stunned our growth both as people and as genders. Porn for one stimulates yourself and what you want. And teaches you no value of pleasing anyone else; we are constantly teaching ourselves to “love” ourselves and no one else.
Women, don’t think you are exempt from this destructive force of pornography, from attending a debate between a porn star and a Pastor, I learned that women watch porn too, and at just the same rate as any two males. Granted that is half, but that is just the act of sexual intercourse online. I could, at great protest, submit that the “chick flick” is another version of porn for women. If we think about it what impression are we always left with about the men in a chick flick? He never farts, never poops, never has a flaw in his perfect persona, though in the Hollywood movie it is well know that the plot line for such movies is: girl finds boy, boy loses girl, they resolve and the movie concludes. Aside from that fact we never see how flawed this man is; we are lead to believe that his every thought is for the sake of her good, that he is a gentleman to her in front of his friends. However romantic that thought may be, that is just not the case. He has a functioning body, so to believe that he will always be able to hold his gas is an impossible fact, although I do agree that if he can, he should.
We see and hear in our media today everything, but what is really stated about sex. How much fun it is and how pleasuring the sensations are, but do we ever see the minute problems that sex brings out in us. The detachment from reality that pornography alone brings out in just the male gender of this species is scary even to think about. To state the obvious men tend to view women as pieces of meat rather than living, breathing, and all together vibrant beings that they truly are. And at the opposite end of the spectrum women seem to view themselves as less and less “attractive” because of these minute detachment issues that men deal with because of the affect of “Playboy” magazine and pornography. We no longer have to listen to anything a women says in a magazine we must only oogle her until we find it satisfactory enough to move onto the next page. And we only have to hear a woman say, “fuck me daddy” or some other vulgar premeditated insult or “sex banter” when watching the pornography so easily distributed on the internet.
Something must be done about our apatite’s. Diets have been invented for the physical body. A diet for the mind and a cleansing of the human soul is what is needed. I know from sitting in on that debate between porn star Ron Jeremy and the founder of xxxchurch.com that steps could be taken to set apart a server for porn. It may not prove the most effective diet, but the separate server would also protect future generations from becoming “porno-zombies”. The server would be age restricted, and just like we pay for our Comcast cable internet service we would purchase this internet provider and be able to view porn and maybe it would even keep us from watching it too much, when we have to pay for internet and for our porn server people would be irritated at paying more, but to save a future generation from being even worse off than the current one is worth it.

the holiday spirit

i have been coming across some awesome music and media that has been getting me stoked on the holidays, i am normally a downer around christmas, i dont know why, but i have found a lot of cool stuff. the little drummer boy by the almost is really awesome, as well as the Carol of the Bells by ABR, and this sweet video by Relient K
http://vimeo.com/2208095

a quick thought

i recent thought of something that kind of made me ponder a “what if i did” moment.

i thought to myself would i be willing to minister (to attend to the wants and needs of others) to someone at the cost of my dignity? lets say there is an “outcast” of sorts that you know of who does something that others deem wierd or corky, but you yourself do that exact same thing, would i for one be willing to depreciate myself to the point of meeting this person where he is and showing him some sort of love that he may have never felt before. the quetion i pose to you is this.

would you do the same?

and/or

would you degrade the helper of this poor soul because he/she has revieled this cork in their own personality?

2 things i love.

So i ran into this klip, as i like to call it, and of coarse it has to do with music, what else is new in my life… the only constant is music…regardless.

The song is “Until my Heart Caves in” by the late Audio Adrenaline.

The Skater is one of my good friends Evan Kuzava.

Now i have as of late been angry with both Him and myself, 1) because my first year we became good friends, 2) i have done what i hate doing to all of my friends, and that is reject them, i must admit that him trying to force all these new songs and bands and rappers on me all the time is quit annoying, but i have to believe that somewhere down there(in my heart) i love him, and i can love him past all those quarks he has, cause to be honest im pretty sure i piss him off too. 3) because he is a “Lady Killer”; he gets all the girls, and doesnt know what to do with them, he doesnt date them, he just is so friggin cool that they flock to him, and to be honest it is friggin lame to be that guy’s best friend.

Look Evan i know you are reading this and like What a friggin jerk, and im sorry im to chicken sh!t to tell you face to face, but if i dont let this out i will explode.
So anyway, i watched this video, and i cant hate him, i cant even love the guy, im stuck in an alternate universe where i dont what to talk to him, but i dont want to stop talking to him.

And in the midst of all this i find that only God can be my #1 and that if i can put whatever bothers me about anyone and everyone i know or in other words my inperfections on HIM then i dont have to live in this dreamlike state.

Anyways: watch this vid the last 20 seconds is how i can relate to Evan, i try to do something that im good at, over an obstacle that i cant Merit, and i end up with a huge mess of horror.

what happened…

i havent written a blog in a while, so i figured i should…have you ever just wanted to give a word for something in your life, the moment in time you are in right now…if i could give a word i would want to give alone, i dont really know if i can say i am alone or not, it feels like the definition fit me…but there is another word to fit my condition i suppose…lonely, which when i read the first definition of it it sounds alot more like my case…(i have provided links to dictionary.com if you want to look at the definitions of the words)

i guess i feel both maybe, i mean there are certain things in my life that just put me in an “alone” status, like my mom is gone to india for 2 weeks, hense i am home alone for those weeks, and then there is the very real sense that anytime i go somewhere “familiar” i am alone or “lonely”, because when people tell you certain things, i would hope to believe that they would follow through on them…

lets say a person you look up to tells you that you are VERY important to them, wouldnt you expect that they would wonder as to how you were doing? say if a person died in your family and you didnt have anywhere else to turn, would you expect yourself to go out of your way to be heard? or would you want to be met in your grieved status?

and i know as a christian i am never alone, but even at times Jesus feels distant, like i have to come and meet him where he is at, im reminded of the man on the road to jericho who is beaten and robbed and left for dead, if i am that man then someone should hopefully pass by and see my pain…we see in the stroy that the rabbi passes by (that happened), and then some other religious member(that happened) and then a samaritan comes and helps(that happened) a person despised by the jewish people came and helped this beaten jewish man…and the worst part is that it seems the world cares more times than Christians do…i hate to say it, but i have been that man beaten down, robbed, and left for dead, and it seems like the only love i have felt in the past weeks is that of a co-worker at office max…how wierd, you would think travis, or aaron might be the ones, or even jesus…but i have felt no love from anywhere except out in the world??? how sick…im at a fork…and i must have hope that christians care…that there is more to them than that meets the eye, but i have no proof to show that…we are all consumed in our own problems that we forget about those wounded around us…

Forest Gump got shot in the butt, but he still went back in time after time to find bubba his “best-good friend”, he was wounded and bleeding but not as bad as everyone else, sometimes maybe we should look past our own wounds to see the hurt of others…im guilty of it just as much as the next christian…

Truer words have never been spoken

I hate to say it, but even the Bible…which is the written truth, has backed this statement up.

“I have put myself here, I’m the culprit, I am the Culprit!.”

That seems to be the entire being for my exsitance is that simple little phrase. I have litteraly defined my life off of that small phrase. And the worst part of it is it rings truer now more than ever.

You see, i will not apologize to someone, mostly because they need to get over it. Grow up is all i have to say. But i have no right, cause im being childish myself, and im losing a friend because of this situation. Am I bummed, not really, maybe it hasn’t hit me yet, maybe i didn’t care at all for this dude, maybe maybe maybe.

“I guess its safe to say Your never coming back” ~ Relient K

More than that i feel like this song right now

Someone has sown me shut
And tied me to a bed
They locked me up, locked me up
Oh, God!
Have you ever felt like you cannot talk to anyone,
like you have been sown shut, and strapped down, locked up and
you can only scream in your mind, OH God!

This is where they all
Throw me to the wolves
Dragged behind and trampled on
and your sure that if you did open up, everyone you know would push you aside, and or judge you, you would be left alone with nothing but the wolves around you to gnaw at your flesh, that you would be beaten behind the shed of some imaginary place.

I can’t keep clawing at the jaws of hell
The silence is killing me
but the worst part is is that if you never speak the words you are going to die regardless. and all the while you are trying to fight your way out on your own.

Nothing to calm the nerve
Nothing to calm the nerve
Write down my thoughts
And read me my rights
so you write your thoughts, maybe on a blog, hoping to god someone will sympathize, not tell you the “right” answer but let you know that you are not alone, no “right” action will cure your pain, just someone to know how you feel.

Repeat, repeat, repent and repeat
The cycle never really ends
‘Till they admit that it’s real
The cycle never really ends
‘Till they admit, they admit that it’s real
and you find yourself reverting to the old habits and hurts that you onve thought you gave up, but instead you burried away and return to any time everything falls, which for you seem a daily event, and you repeat and repeat, and eventually you feel so much guilt that you repent in your mind, not your heart, and you repeat again and again…and you will never be out of this cycle until you can face the fact that there is a reality to face…

Everything, everything is leaving me wondering
I’m I hate that I’m questioning Your everything, everything
and everything you do makes you question who you knew yourself to be at one time. and you hate that fact, that you question who and what you serve, who and what your god is to you, and how you can manage to screw up this bad.

This is how it seems to me
I’ve drowned myself in self-regret
This is how I wanna be
This can’t be how I wanna be
even worse is that you dont pick yourself up when you fall, but rather you leave yourself on the ground and the water’s raise and you are once again drowning in the hope humanity calls regret… and in the midst of all that you say “this is how i want to be”, but in your heart and mind you know this cant be how you want to be.

This is spinning perfect little circles
And that’s all that they know
They just spin in perfect little circles
And that’s all that they know, all that they know
and to top it off. you find yourself in that same cycle that we talked about earlier. and you find out that the only reason your here is cause its safe, its all that you know. you know nothing of risk, or chance, just the same cycle and same endless regret.

Nothing’s right, just left alone
Sinking in will be just fine
None of them will ever know
None of them will ever know
Nothing’s right, just left alone
Sinking in will be just fine
None of them will ever know
None of them will ever know
Nothing’s right, just left alone
Sinking in will be just fine
None of them will ever know
None of them will ever know
Nothing is right, and you know it, you will be left alone, cause no one will ever take the chance to say hello to you, you will always be alone, because no one likes a sour puss, no one will put up with one, and you are content to the point of sinking into what you know will be your DOOM. if only someone, a physical manifestation of the Jesus you know would step into your life and call the best out of you, but that will never happen, because people are just like you, weak and selfish and just as cought up in there own mess, to see the hurt you are going through.

Marky-Mark…

And soul calibur 2…that was my favorite part of guys night….i got to hang out with basically just Mark and try and beat friggin inferno 80 times…it was awesome, dont get me wrong there was alot of awesome at the party…but hangin out till 11 am in the morning going through story mode in a video game with someone else, and trading off, just sounds fun to me…haha.

im forgetting something…

this past few weeks have literally been HELL…

too many things have gone wrong, and in the midst of my wrong, everyone else seems so right!

thats the worst..

~It starts with a meeting with Trav and P. A. i dont want to go into the somewhat “gory” details.
~it continues when i get the new Underoath album and they express in 11 songs exactly what i have going on right now!!
~not ending there any time i see someone i dont want to talk to they ask me if im ready for internship, dont ask me that…i will never know!!! FRICKIN!
~Smitty tells me i need to deal with the stress level at work better…
~Aaron brings the hammer down on Wednesday.
~Now i feel like a terrible christian and a terrible man and intern and any other form of person i play.
~Trav tells me to write donw my thoughts in a journal, and then bring it to God.

*does anyone else ever feel like they cant talk to God?
*i cant seem to open my mouth and talk to him…maybe cause i feel he will never talk to me again, or judge me for being so evil, or i dont even know, i cant seem to open my mouth and speak words…
*the worst part is in the midst of all of this i feel more dependent on underoath than i do on him…
*so now im even worse off than before, because my “relationship” with Christ is not based on me and him, but me and Underoath and Him, more of the first 2 than of the latter…

CONDEMNATION seems to be my middle name…
i find all of this so condemning only because i try to be a good leader…a good friend, a good christian (as i read theworldisbrightandbeautiful blog saying how i gave some kind of insight that i didnt even take the advice of…)

Regardless…i feel like UnderOath more than ever now…
(all there songs seem to have a negative aspect for the entire thing until the last line…)
and in the words of UnderOath

I am forgetting my Forgiveness!